Kareoke will never be a sober sport
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
