I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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