its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
