Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize