I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
