Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Terrible idea I love it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
