speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He felt like a one man threesome
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
