Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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