Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
