I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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