I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
