is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
