His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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