You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
