are you still at the devil's house?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
