it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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