I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
