why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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