if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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