But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
