I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
