I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
