don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
