look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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