Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
