i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize