Can i not drive my cunt home
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
