i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
