everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
