I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
