we made out on top of his cat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
