In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize