my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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