Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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