Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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