So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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