Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
