Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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