Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
