If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
