Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
