I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
