Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
