I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
