My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize