I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't like sucking hair
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
