Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
