ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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