i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
