So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
