I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
