I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
