I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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