At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
