a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
