my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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