I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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