Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
