I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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