Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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