can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
