Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
