dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
