She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
