My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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