Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize