im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
