so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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