Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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