Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
