You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
